Emily in India

On December 15, two months from today, I will have just woken up in San Diego (Escondido, really) for the first time since returning home from India. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. I live in a wild mix of emotions these days.

Bryan and I just returned to our homes after a weeklong visit to/in Portugal. It was an incredible trip – more on that soon – and saying ‘see you soon’ this time was a little different since it would be the last time we do it. We know we still have 9 weeks to go but all of a sudden, we see light at the end of the tunnel. A few days later and I’m well-settled back in Bangalore (sick), back in the groove of life here.

Even after 15 or so months, I find myself struggling to believe I did this, am doing this. [quick aside: In the early days of being here, I’d have these “wow, you really live in India” moments. They morphed into, “wow, you’ve been living in India for # of months” moments. And now I think to myself, “wow, you actually did it. Well, not yet but you’ve basically done it!”] Today, I saw my billing address listed in Amazon – Escondido, CA. Yes. Then I saw my shipping address listed – Bengaluru, Karnataka, India. Whoa. I really did this.

I really did volunteer to move to India for 1.5 years; I really did fight for myself and my marriage, knowing it was all worth it and could all work; I really did pack my things and move to a country I had never been to; I really did travel for 30 hours, pop up in an Indian airport, get my four 75 pound bags, find my driver, take a two-hour nap, and then go to a new office to meet 70 new colleagues. I really did make a difference at work – positive changes impacting hundreds of people in India and the US; I really did try new foods, new clothes, new words, new traditions, new activities, new modes of travel, new ways of working; I really did let myself be vulnerable and uncomfortable, and proud and confident and hopeful.

Every time I start to try to write about what I’ve learned here, I just can’t seem to find the words. And I can’t find them now either so that will have to wait. For now, what I am trying to say is: I have lived one of my dreams. And I’m pretty freakin’ proud of myself.