In January, I flew to Dubai to meet Bethany for a weekend away and Ed Sheeran concert. The timing couldn’t have been better as I was in my “struggle to breathe” phase after leaving Bryan and home for the holiday break. I was weepy and lonely and back to questioning my decision to do this rotation. But Friday rolled around, and it was time to go again.
First, I want to talk about how incredibly lucky I feel to have a sister-in-law with whom I’d like to spend a birthday weekend with. Relationships are complicated and relationships with a twin brother’s significant others can be hard, especially when you are as protective of your twin as I am of mine. Bethany and I got off to a semi-rough start (she may call it entirely rough) when her and Jake flew from South Africa to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with Jeanne, Maggie, me, and my boyfriend at the time. It must’ve been 2007 because it was not the first Thanksgiving after Randy. Her head was shaved (which I actually thought was super cool, and I was quite jealous I didn’t feel like I could do the same thing), she was jet lagged, and she had MONO. She slept a lot (who am I to judge?!) and seemingly took every opportunity to put Jake in his place all week. It turned me off but more significantly, I was not in a great place personally and historically, I had never been good about accepting his girlfriends.
Fast forward to summer of 2009. I was living at home in Arkansas before starting law school in the fall and Jake and Bethany were staying there too while Jake finished his bachelor’s degree and Bethany student-taught at a local school for her degree. Looking back on this summer, I see it as when Bethany and I really became close. We were together a lot, a lot of time spent by the pool is what I recall most clearly. This was still not great time for me personally but apparently, I was at least more open-minded. Bethany told me some hilarious stories, showing me how funny and open she can be. She told me some hard stories, telling me about her family and some things she had been through in life before Jake and because of Jake. She told me about how her and Jake met, her impressions of him and how her worldview affected her perceptions. I was reminded that Jake is not perfect, he has flaws, and now I can see that he needed someone like her to help him grow up. I learned that words mean very little to Bethany, she looks for an expects people to act in a way that shows love and respect. I learned that Bethany and I grew up very differently and was able to understand our differences but also to see all the ways we are alike.
That summer the three of us drove to La Grange, Texas together to stay in the Raj (my paternal grandparent’s tiny little lake-side A frame). Bethany and I jogged together, we all fished together, and talked and laughed all day and night.
I went to Bellingham twice to visit them after they moved for graduate school – once in coldish rainy weather, and another time in the summer. Without looking through pictures to identify which came first and when each trip was, I sense that the fall trip was first. I spent a lot of time with Bethany because Jake was in classes. Bethany and I jogged around Bellingham – so gorgeous, drank delicious coffee, and talked talked talked. When I visited what I believe to be the next summer, we took a road trip to Yakama for camping and a John Mayer concert at The Gorge. It was magical. Like I don’t know another word for it. Beautiful nature, prime company, boating (on a stranger’s boat named “The Panty Dropper”), and our favorite singer live at the country’s best music venue. Dom and Erin joined us so I got to know them a bit. After that, I would go to Austin to meet Erin and see her perform when she came to Austin for singing gigs. Dom, a dedicated servicemember turned police offer, died in a SWAT operation a couple of years ago. I hope you are resting in peace, Dom.
All this to say, when Bethany asked me to talk her out of “a girls’ birthday weekend in Dubai,” I couldn’t do it. And when she casually mentioned that Ed was performing the weekend before we planned to go, I immediately agreed to going that weekend instead. Dubai was much as I had imagined it would be – Qatar but more. Dessert. Big, beautiful, glass buildings. Shopping. We both needed a slow weekend and so were happy to lay around, hang at the pool, check out the mall briefly and then head to Ed. It took us something like 3 hours to get 5 miles, but the venue was so cool. We had general admission tickets but because of the set-up, we were only a few rows of people from the stage. I will never forgive myself for encouraging us to leave before the last song to avoid traffic, the last song was of course one that Bethany wanted to hear. Since then, I try to remind myself that the event is the goal, and to take everything that comes with it – bad parking, traffic, crowds, etc. Enjoy the event.
The next night we had the best sushi I’ve ever had in my life (and it was VEGETARIAN sushi!), and at the first Michelin star restaurant I’ve ever been to. Bethany’s flight was in the middle of the night, so I saw her off and went to sleep. I woke up lonely and weepy again but continued to remind myself I would be okay. My driver on the way to the airport asked me how my day was, and I broke down. “I am a little sad today. I live in India and just left my husband back in America, saw my sister-in-law this weekend but now that she is gone, I can’t stop crying again.” He said, “Oh, but that’s GOOD stuff to be sad about. You have people that love you and that you love, and you miss them. That’s good stuff to be sad about.” I couldn’t have agreed more! He continued, “Happiness is a mindset. I have friends here in Dubai who have all the watches and clothes and cars and huge houses, and they are not happy. And I see kids in India who have nothing but are happy. Happiness is a mindset.” Man, oh, man. I couldn’t have needed this conversation more. It was perfect for what I was feeling.
On the plane to Bangalore, I was sitting next to a woman maybe a little younger than me. At one point, with about an hour left in the flight, I told her I liked her watch (I did!) and we got to talking. She was born in Bangalore but was living in Dubai for work. Her 18-month-old daughter stayed in Bangalore with her mother. My new friend was divorced from her husband because his mom turned into a nightmare after their first child turned out to be a girl. I told her I moved to India without my husband, and we spent the rest of the time talking about hard decisions, getting what you can out of life, being judged by other people for our decisions to get what we can out of life, etc. Fate had stepped in again to give me what I needed.
Emily in India 
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