I was honored to be invited to a wedding of a dear colleague. Originally, I was told it would be a Christmas wedding (end of December) so thought that I wouldn’t be in India for it as I had plans to return to US from mid-December to mid-January. However, one day, she came over to ask if I’d be able to attend and told me it was to be held the second weekend in December. I immediately said yes! My boss also planned to go so we planned to coordinate fights and hotels. In the meantime, I went to Indore and Goa. After those trips, I was finally able to think about a trip to Chandigarh for the wedding. When I contacted my boss to coordinate, she said that she was no longer able to attend the wedding. And unfortunately, no other Risk professionals had confirmed their plans to attend. Looked like I was on my own – but that wouldn’t stop me!
I booked my flights and my dear colleague booked my hotel – a tradition for Indian weddings is that the family pays for accommodations for visitors. I was so surprised and thankful!
The weekend before the wedding, I texted the rotational group and asked if anyone wanted to do some local clothes shopping. A rotational from San Francisco who I hadn’t yet met, was in. We grabbed an auto and headed to HSR Layout. We had a great time! We talked about working in India, difficult colleagues, the new culture, everything. And walked away with plenty of new ethnic wear.
Mallappa returned to Bangalore after being home for much longer than either of us expected. When he heard that I was going to Chandigarh by myself, he wouldn’t hear of it. He had been upset that Jeanne and I “wasted money” by flying to Chennai and hiring drivers for our week together, and still had my two-wheeler accident top of mind. After confirming with Raashi, we decided he would accompany me to Chandigarh!
We flew to Chandigarh early on Friday morning. It was only Mallappa’s second time on an airplane so that was pretty cool. We landed in Chandigarh and my dear colleague’s dad texted to advise that a driver was waiting for us, to bring us to their lodging for the weekend, so that we could have breakfast and rest before checking into our hotels (different hotels).
Her family was so lovely. One of her sisters works for RSM (mid-tier accounting firm) and her brother-in-law works at Deloitte (or PwC… can’t quite remember). So we talked shop and they told me that shortly after they got married, one of them took a rotational opportunity in the UK while the other took an opportunity in the US. They were apart for about 8 months. It was soooo nice to talk to people who understood my decision and could relate to being away from a spouse.
Breakfast was sooooo good. Eggs, bread, dahl and other gravies, masala chai. Because it was too early to check into our respective hotels, we were each given access to bedrooms where we could rest, shower, etc. Without knowing the difference, I took the front room and quickly realize my mistake. The sun was beating into the room and it was sooooo hot. It was cool outside but in order to get that air in, I had to push curtains back – the curtains that were keeping the sun out. It wasn’t great. I was so tired but completely unable to sleep due to the heat. I got to talk to Bryan which makes everything better.
We had been told that the pooja would start at 11 am but that we weren’t expected to attend. Before I knew it, though, we had been invited to the pooja and told to be ready by 11:30 am. I rested and then started getting dressed for the pooja. I was ready at 11:30 but found out that it wouldn’t be starting for another hour or so. Two hours later, we were headed to the basement of the apartment building. There was a medium-sized room, decorated for pooja and pictures. My dear colleague was there, all dressed up, she looked amazing! I got to watch the pooja, which was her parents getting blessed with a pooja leader. We took pictures and talked to her family. Then her entire family arrived and we started the Haldi (ceremony using turmeric to bless the bride). It was so special to be witness to all of this. It was a small amount of people so very intimate and personal. I was handed a banana leaf to personally bless my dear colleague. Typically, this event would include the bride and groom but because Raashi and her fiancé are from different parts of India, the ceremonies are different. They decided to do these with their families, separately. We ate lunch and then departed for the hotels.
I took a good long nap and then woke to get ready for the Sangeet (a pre-wedding dance party). This, too, was separate from the groom’s Sangeet so it was an intimate gathering full of food, drinks, and dancing. We arrived on time but the party didn’t start for another hour or so. I’ve never seen anything like it. The bride performed a lip-sync and dance for her parents. Then various family members and groups of family members performed songs and dances. It was fascinating!!! The crowd sat and watched. After declining the opportunity to perform, I was cajoled by one of Raashi’s nieces. Precious little one asked me to join her on stage and then once the music started, she went and sat with her dad! Luckily, sisters and aunts joined me and we danced for the crowd. Then it opened up, party music was played, and everyone danced and ate. Her family was so gracious and fun. We talked and laughed. I stole away to chat with Bryan and when I returned, the party was wrapping up for the night.
The invitation said the wedding would start at 6:30 but after the sangeet, we were told to be at the wedding hall at 8:30 the next night.
The day of the wedding, there were no festivities until the wedding that night so we had all day to explore Chandigarh. The bride’s family had arranged a driver for us so we explored all day! We told the driver we wanted a Chandigarh breakfast so he took us to one of his favorite places. We had delicious stuffed paratha, lassi, and chai. We started at Sukhna Lake, walked around in the beautiful cool weather. Then went to the Rock Garden where we saw the wildest rock formations, waterfalls, etc. We ended the tour with the Government Museum.
After a wonderful rest back at the hotel, I woke up at 6:45 pm prepared to get ready leisurely for the wedding. Raashi had texted while I was asleep, imploring me to leave the hotel early due to traffic, saying that we should get to the wedding venue at 7:30. Her dad messaged to say that the driver would be at my hotel at 7. I rushed like a mad woman. Quick shower, quick hair, quick make up. I had to iron my saree which just simply cannot be a quick task. I texted Mallappa to hurry and be ready, we’d pick him up on the way to the venue. He called my dear colleague’s dad and the driver and found that all of this rush was for nothing, that we had plenty of time. But I was already ready. Hahaha!
We made it to the venue around 9 and it hadn’t started! When we arrived, I was taken to a room where Raashi and the women of her family were gathered. Mallappa hung with the men. Once it was “time,” we went to the reception area, thinking that the wedding was about to start. But of course, the wedding was nothing like an American wedding. People came and went, walked around, talked, ate. Eventually, we heard rumblings that the groom was arriving soon so we made our way to the back of the hall. Drummers announced his entrance, and he was in a beautiful formal outfit surrounded by family. He walked, led by the drummers drumming, to a platform to the side of the vast room. Then it was the bride’s turn! Her brothers-in-law asked Mallappa if he would help carry the canopy – how cool! It was so neat for them to include him in such a special way.
She walked under the canopy in her gorgeous red and gold dress. Jewelry was stacked all the way up her wrists and adorned her face. Her makeup was impeccable. She walked to the platform and her groom met her at the steps, and guided her up. This was the start of the ceremony where they each place garland around the others’ neck. Many of the guests weren’t even watching or paying attention! It was fascinating.
Then her dad ran around, encouraging everyone to eat. So we did! All sorts of delicious Indian and international foods. Then it was time to take formal pictures with the bride and groom. Groups of kids gathered on the dance floor and performed choreographed dances. And then it was over. Apparently the “real ceremony” is held in the early, early morning hours and is only attended by close family.
The next morning, we checked out of our hotel rooms and had arranged for the brother of our original driver to take us around before taking us to the airport. We went to the annual Chandigarh Chrysanthemum Show (gorgeous and so many people!), then to a market for a bit of shopping, and then to Fateh Burj, a beautiful Sikh temple in the middle of nowhere. Wow wow was it a sight to see. Gorgeous green grounds, historical statues, and the temple itself was incredible.
What a weekend!!!! And the best was yet to come…. In a few short days, I’d be headed to San Diego for my first home visit.
Emily in India 
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